After reading and analyzing week one response/analysis essay, which was based off "Those Winter Sundays" by Robert Hayden. I feel that the that the spelling, grammar and transition sentences were well written. The tone was weak.
All words were spelled correctly. Punctuation and grammar was in accordance with MLA. The flow of all sentences was well done and easy to understand. Quotes and citations were also in accordance with MLA.
The thesis was well worded and very clear. All points the thesis contained were in order with the paragraphs. The thesis was explained in detail in each paragraph. The conclusion covered all points listed in the thesis and was well worded. Transition sentences had a good flow and covered all points in an accurate manner.
The tone could have been stronger to get a better point across. Rhetorical devices if used would have played a role in adding emphasis to the essay as a hole. Tone is a very important component for the writer to convey information to the reader who is not familiar with the poem. One example is to place a question in the text for interpretation purposes.
In conclusion the response/analysis essay bases on "Those Winter Sundays" by Robert Hayden was done farely well. Spelling and grammer were the strongest points for the essay. The tone was weak as described above regarding emphasizing on important points to get a strong point across. Thesis and transition sentences were clear and had good flow.
Hi Chris,
ReplyDeleteI feel that you struggled a bit with this assignment. I can honestly your attempt at addressing all topics and elements; however, the overall feel is a bit disjointed and distant. From what I am reading, it appears that you struggled with organization, critical thinking, and rhetoric.
Overall, the organization of this essay is present, but not solidly portrayed. The introduction begins by discussing several disjointed elements such as mechanics (spelling, grammar and transitions) is done well, yet rhetoric suffering (tone). However, there is no actual thesis statement to explain what your essay is about. Instead, you immediately jump into stating “All words were spelled correctly.” From the previous sentence, this statement appears jarring. Paragraph #1 was discussing local paper concerns, such as spelling, quotations, etc. However, without clearing identifying this topic, the reader can become lost.
Furthermore, your organizational structure also suffered from little evidence. You state that “the tone could have been stronger to get a better point across.” However, the only support for that evidence seems haphazardly given. Your support was “One example is to place a question in the text for interpretation purposes.” However, this sentence was the last in the paragraph so it missed the opportunity to link it to your body paragraph point, as well as to your paper thesis. Without that support, the paper seems like it has logical holes.
Another component missing from the essay was the critical thinking component. I feel like the essay was set almost as a list. By list I mean, the paper feels like you wrote a pro/con list, instead of writing your own point of view. What do you truly think of that first paper? If you focus on that component, you can draw elements from your list to support your thesis and make this essay stronger.
The final element I feel could be improved upon is rhetoric. This element can actually change the sensation of a ‘list’ into your voice and tone. This component also would have elevated the organization, and demonstrate more of you. If you need assistance with this component, let me know. I can honestly say that I have seen you incorporate rhetoric well before, so I’m not sure if this was a struggle with this particular essay.
Overall, I feel that this essay is not as strong as several other assignments you have done thus far due to rhetoric, critical thinking and organization. I really felt like there was less connection for you with the prompt, and your writing became a more formal business style. If you choose to go this direction for an essay, make certain that your organization and quotes are solid. The grading breakdown is as follows:
Overall: 3.2
Critical Thinking: 3
Organization: 3 – While it was lacking a thesis, I am giving you a three because you stayed on point in each of the paragraphs.
Evidence: 2
Rhetoric: 3
Mechanics: 5